EMO*LiZaTion

avan marcus me

Halloween at Play was such a bore!!! At least my friends were there..not that bored.I was feeling very bottled up....Emo to the Max.....feeling a sense of condemnation, when no one was condemning me....feeling that i was being chased yet no ones after me. I feel that I'm an actor, acting as if ,i am a Happy & Rich invidual who's life is enriched with full goodness in life, But in reality Depressed & poor who's life is whithering of goodness. Feeling Damned By God, punishing me for sins I know nothing of. The sense of envy & jealousy, when couples hold hands, cuddle and joke with each other. How much good in life do i Have to accomplish To earn such glorious feeling? How? Why? When? Its not just love that i crave for, its Life, Life without problems, Life without certain suprises. I fear losing friends when they learn the real me. Imagine a person, who would Want that 'special' someone,But doesn't advance to that person because he is afraid of rejection and feel that the special someone is out of his league. The inferiority I Feel every time i like someone, always gets me so drained. Everytime i dismiss the feeling, it comes back to haunt me later. How am i Going to Survive this worthless, selfless and loveless Life?.........

God you've never heard me, but Hurt me giving me life.

Imran Jais' Home on imeem

Imran Jais' Home on imeem

The Fear In the Heart Of a Man

I Feel This Poem..........Makes me Feel like............ Hmmmm So Tempting...Yet So Foolish....But Then?????!!! How Can You Break A Broken Heart????

All's Lost I Cannot Be Found Again

My life has always been F**ked up..Problems after problems i faced and facing has made me realise whether I have a purpose in Life in the first place. Even all the good I've done in my life has not given me a break, a chance a glimse of happiness. a friend asked me for a moment in my life that i was happy...There's none....cos, every happy moment i so called had will lead to disastarous measures. All bad things are happening to me.......What do I have to Live for...? I dun even know now. I've got a relationship that goes nowhere, I lost my job for something I did and let down good friends at work...something that i cannot salvage. Those who find out what happened and if it effects you...i am sorry.....Ive doe so many wrong things in my life and this is the only wrong doing that i feel with regret that i did it. I am sorry for letting everyone down. It is hurting me real bad and it should be hurting even worst for what I've done.

It Hurts

. I have been in love, actually still am, with Tony. I have always thought that, if I stayed around long enough. He might be ready for me, to be wih me, happy together. So everytime i feel that everthing is ok. My feelings takes over, making me feel afraid, depressed and many other feelings that i can't even think of a name. Tony has been busy with his life,school, problems with his friends. I know that I have to give him space and all, but we never got to sit down and talk about us and I am not even sure what to make of us. And that freaks me out. I dun know what to do or even feel. A few days ago i met up wih Tony, realised that i have been cold towards him. I dun know why.I am really sorry I had to end it yesterday Tony. I dunno what else to do.Its just that I've never had someone to love and at the same time afraid to embrace it. love has made me wait, for a long time and has hurt me still. I dun want ti to happen again. Leaving you hurts me as it hurts you. Give me time as i need to think and get my mind straightened out.

Love Is Like a Painting. Its Beautiful and Breathtaking. But Just Like Every Painting
You Won't Be Able To Embrace It

People VS People

What has the world come to ?! People VS People. Why do people use People to get in their good books? Why do people use friends , to get other people involved in matters

that dun matter. Using the authority of someone to solve an unknown mystery, be it true or not, for their own hidden agenda. Emnity leads to more emnity. Why hate? When It's easier to Love!

This post is not suggestive to any person(s).Those are affected to what has been said here, FEEL MY WRATH cos this is just the beginning.pls call 1800-NOTBOTHERED

dIVA LA DIVA

Its been along time since i'VE been blogging....high time i get some positive vibes back into my blog. Finally moving to the future with my new Laptop.....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggg FINALLy. loaded my old pics in my com, and guess what i have stumbled upon.....Its FATIMAH LATIFFA LABELLE The Resurrection...I have not seen her for awhile...sigh.Miss her deeply. She said that she has been away travelling with the High 5 gang, doing make up for their world tour. WOW High 5 le, she get to tour with them. And i am here trapped, no where to go.Well, all the best Cik Timah.Hee hee. See how hppy she is...I want that life. Oh Well.

Well this is a Pic of Robin and Richard, down at Townhouse awaiting to be stuffed with gourmet dishes. Townhouse having their food introduction to the gays. Which Din WORK...HAHAHAH

One of my favorite pics....The Original DREAMGIRLS. They stop singing and acting. You dun Have to be a genius to know why.

THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY YOUR PARENTS WARN YOU NOT TO GO OUT DURING 7TH MONTH.

BE AFRAID BE VERY AFRAID.

PS.FOR THOSE WHO RECOGNISE THESE PICS AND GET OFFENDED. I'M SORRY...I AM BLOWING OFF STEAM. AND ITS NOT GONNA BE THE LAST I AM GOING TO POST. FOR ENQUIRIES CALL 1800 FUCK OFF.

Life As It Is

Hell finally, I got the bloody chance to update This Blog......Well, things in life has not been well for me since the last post.Yah everyone might be thinking..."Wah that Imran the Mak Ayam, Got Tons of friends. Confirm Happy as a Clam with His life one." *BULLtSHIT* What I am rEally Feeling Is sadness,lost, Lonely. The many times when i am alone, i start thinking about the So Called glorious life i am leading, 'helping',Taking Care', supporting others needs and neglecting my life. With all those 'SO Called' glorious things i've dun for people, i dun seem to get good things coming to me. Ever heard of the saying "Good things will come to those who wait." I am Waiting for that moment for a very long time. I have been doing things in my life to make a better me, but every time i make it better.....shit starts crumbling on my head. My Love life even( What Love Lfe!!). Problems one after another(Half even not my problems) pile up , suffocating me, everytime I make it better.Always ask myself, why is GoD tormenting me this way, why is lady luck not smiling at me, Why is the goddess of love condemning my love life. Is there a purpose for me to be here. Am i brought to this world to feel others, yet i cannot feel? Is this hell for me,that i have to take it?.....I dun know GoD, Is there purpose for me?...Being someone is to feel glorious,proud,majestic.....Not feel remorse, dgraded anf shitty..I feel People Dun understand the real me.....I am like anybody, I Need To love and be loved by a special someone, hug to sleep,cuddle,argue,......and all that jazz. i am like a time bomb that is set off any time implode.....I NEED!!!!!

Byul YOuMe

the wind knocks on the window
over the room as small as me
twinkling stars so beautiful filling the room with Love
don't be hurt
caressing my wound gently embracing me to SLeep

crawling to me like a dream
my little star up high dazzling my eyes
shining brightly
falling on my shoulders
don't be sad anymore
holding my hands tightly caressing my wound
it embraces me warm

too hurt for my legs to walk.
eyes so blurry with tears
before Love never meant for me
i will keep smiling
dear moments with u
buried deep in my heart
like those stars embroidered in my eyes
i will Love You forever

In Memory Of Tony.....

Days have past eversince the so called break up.Since then iI have been feeling shitty about the whole incident. I've realised that I have not lost him.I will not say that he was the object of my first affections. I hve been feeling passionate about Tony for a long time. But I don't deny giving those feelings the title of LOVE. This may seem unfair to those who dun know the difference. But those who agree calling infantile crushes, LOVE, is calling a dandelion a rose. Ther is simply no comparison.

I suppose that we all will lose our love ones one way or another in matter of time. But the truth is, real love is something that one never truly loses: as long we hold to the feeling, that emotion, that is love at its first and purest state. Well, I felt that with Tony. It didn't take much time for me to say 'I Love U' even though that i have been saying it with my eyes the whole time i was with him 24\7. I'm In love, damn The whole world!

Ever single important moment with him, from the first kiss, first voicing of tremendous feeling inside, first make out was completely perfect(even though it might be one sided). In a month, I ran through every single passionate emotion a human being can posses.

Finally I made a mistake or two and it became apparent that he has many things to do that he couldn't do with me as he was dating another( which is a friend of mine Sigh..) And I have been loving him so deeply.Even that din stop me from loving him even more.

In days that followed the so called break up. Irealized that it was hurting me incredibly(still) to have 'lost' him, I had gained him as a friend, that was more important then anythin else(Yeah right, whoo am i kidding?).
Months Or even years down the line, I am sure and HOPE , that we will be up together again, for there is much unfinished buisness and untapped emations between us.

But even if that never comes to pass, he is, and will always my TONY as well as one of my truest friend. Ther is so much I want to thanks him for, and i cannot,so I will merely show it through my actions, how much he means to me. I give him comppassion, now, instead of passion(i miss it)


Love, true love, trendscends all.It does not have to be passionate. It does not have to be wild. It does not have to be romantic. True love is all those things, at one time or another, but it endures through all the ups and downs,adapts to all situations and never gives up.
That is what gives those who love truly the incredible hope that all others find so amazing and foolish.

But those who love ar not foolish......they are, for the first time, truly and open to feeling all emotions that can possibly be felt by the human soul. I Am Not a Fool To have loved and lost TONY, For i lost nothing, I've the world.

P.S The image of him and the feelings I have for him is honest abd pure and will stay that way.Held in the past . Preserved in Mind.

I Love You TONY...
Still Loving you