In Memory Of Tony.....

Days have past eversince the so called break up.Since then iI have been feeling shitty about the whole incident. I've realised that I have not lost him.I will not say that he was the object of my first affections. I hve been feeling passionate about Tony for a long time. But I don't deny giving those feelings the title of LOVE. This may seem unfair to those who dun know the difference. But those who agree calling infantile crushes, LOVE, is calling a dandelion a rose. Ther is simply no comparison.

I suppose that we all will lose our love ones one way or another in matter of time. But the truth is, real love is something that one never truly loses: as long we hold to the feeling, that emotion, that is love at its first and purest state. Well, I felt that with Tony. It didn't take much time for me to say 'I Love U' even though that i have been saying it with my eyes the whole time i was with him 24\7. I'm In love, damn The whole world!

Ever single important moment with him, from the first kiss, first voicing of tremendous feeling inside, first make out was completely perfect(even though it might be one sided). In a month, I ran through every single passionate emotion a human being can posses.

Finally I made a mistake or two and it became apparent that he has many things to do that he couldn't do with me as he was dating another( which is a friend of mine Sigh..) And I have been loving him so deeply.Even that din stop me from loving him even more.

In days that followed the so called break up. Irealized that it was hurting me incredibly(still) to have 'lost' him, I had gained him as a friend, that was more important then anythin else(Yeah right, whoo am i kidding?).
Months Or even years down the line, I am sure and HOPE , that we will be up together again, for there is much unfinished buisness and untapped emations between us.

But even if that never comes to pass, he is, and will always my TONY as well as one of my truest friend. Ther is so much I want to thanks him for, and i cannot,so I will merely show it through my actions, how much he means to me. I give him comppassion, now, instead of passion(i miss it)


Love, true love, trendscends all.It does not have to be passionate. It does not have to be wild. It does not have to be romantic. True love is all those things, at one time or another, but it endures through all the ups and downs,adapts to all situations and never gives up.
That is what gives those who love truly the incredible hope that all others find so amazing and foolish.

But those who love ar not foolish......they are, for the first time, truly and open to feeling all emotions that can possibly be felt by the human soul. I Am Not a Fool To have loved and lost TONY, For i lost nothing, I've the world.

P.S The image of him and the feelings I have for him is honest abd pure and will stay that way.Held in the past . Preserved in Mind.

I Love You TONY...
Still Loving you

Sydney Stops All opportunities....

I am here in Sydney Airport Transfer...waiting for my flight to Singapore.....Sigh I can't believe that I am still going back after all that shit done in NZ immigration and get nothing out of it.Farking hell. I am at a point of no return.....That explains the Title of this blog....I still feel that more can be done in Nz other than sight seeing....such a waste of my bloody time......i dun really know what GOD has in store for me in Life, to make this thing in NZ a failure...Its Not Like I am Not trying......SIGH...its like 844pm Australia time and 646pm in Singapore....by the time i reach Singapore, I will be Pruned up by the pressure...........OH Singapore What Am i to do with you....I Fare You Well Beloved New Zealand.........AuVoir....

New Zealand Blues!!!!!!

These few days in Nz Has made me realise that, i Have taken things for granted.....i've seen differen people from different walks of life...from a 30 year old woman living with her parents, who was pregnant many times,a doctor who is a slut...i tot my life was Shit...its still is. i have learnt that no matter the status,the appointment or how learnt you are....Shit still comes your way.
The differrence between them and me is, they have already have a goal but is lost when it comes to social life. As for me, i have a social life but have not achieved a freaking thing in life....New Zealand is the place that i have choosen to find that purpose, but still fall flat on my face.Everything i have done in my life has always been disrupted by something else which i felt was right, but isn't. I have made alot of mistakes in life and still making them....I am lost. I dunno where i am going or going to do with myself.Its very frustrating........Life's full of crap with me....That is what it is...My Life is crap.....